Aside from writing, one of my favourite things about blogging has to be planning my posts. I love the feeling you get from thinking of a new idea and planning out a post to put forward for your schedule. It gets me feeling so excited and inspired to get creating. The plus side to this is that I'm a very organised person, so planning out posts comes easy to me and I never like to rush posts because of this. I thought it would be a good idea to share with you how I plan my blog posts and the stages that fit together to enable me to create the content that I do.

The amount of notebooks I have gone through since I started blogging has been unreal. I have a whole pile of them in my room with all my ideas and post plans in from what will be three years worth of blogging come june. Notebooks help me a huge amount to keep organised and get everything that is circling around in my head down on paper. This way I'm less likely to forget things and also know what the hell I'm going to write when it comes to putting some posts together. 

This may sound a little over the top, but I use three notebooks to plan my posts and keep myself organised. I use to only use one, but always found that everything would be all over the place and I needed a system that was more efficient to work from.

Main A5 notebook - This is the notebook that probably gets used out of all of them. In this one I write up the notes I want to put together for a particular post, I write all my photo ideas for posts and also Instagram, I put together a rough draft of my content plan for each month and I also have a checklist to keep me up to date with what needs to be completed for each month like editing photos or scheduling tweets. 

The ideas A5 notebook - The other A5 notebook I use is to keep all my ideas inside. The reason why I decided to separate my ideas from the main notebook was because it's a lot easier to see my ideas at a quick glance in a separate notebook, than having to keep flicking between pages to try locate ideas. This way I can just scan and see what ideas I feel most inspired to write about at that particular moment.

The everything A4 notebook - The third notebook I use is the notebook that has a real mixture of things inside. I like to use it mainly as somewhere where I can write quick hand and write whatever pops into my mind. It's almost like my word dump notebook. It can a real mixture of things inside like scribbles, notes, stats, ideas, drafts, dates, you name it is probably in there. I also do a lot of my research in this notebook. For example, if I've read a useful blogging tip, then I'll note it down in there for future reference. 

As you know, I use my main notebook to write up the plans for my posts. Each plan usually follows in a certain order and this order is typically the way it appears in a post. So it goes something like this...

1. The title - I usually write the initial idea here and if I think it suits the post well and is generally a good title for SEO, then I'll keep it. But sometimes if I don't think it fits just right, then I'll either rephrase it or swap words out for new ones. This can sometimes take a couple of days for me to find the right one. So I like to come back to it before I write the post up so I'm 100% settled on something.

2. The intro - After the title comes the introduction of the post. Now this is probably where I struggle the most. The introduction always seems to be the hardest part to write in a post. Instead of writing out a full paragraph of what I want it to be like, I'll just jot down a few ideas and things I want to mention. If the post relates to a past post, then I like to make a note of that also so I can include it when I'm writing up the post. 

3. The main parts of the post - When it comes to the  main part of the post, so the topic I'm talking about I like to plan it each point I want to make in bullet points. This way I can clearly see each point. I'll write up notes on each subheading and include all the information I want to put into the post. If I was doing a beauty review, then I'll start with the first impressions, how I got on each week trailing the product and then my final verdict. Much like the intro, I'll also make a note of any links I need to add. If I'm writing a list style post, then I might possibly do is go back in and number each section in the order I want to write it up in. This really helps to ensure my posts flow well. 

4. The photos - The last thing I plan for each post is the photos that will be included in the post. I like to write up a brief draft of the style of images I want to create. I include things like what I want the image to look like, the background I want to use, any props I need to add, the style of photo I want to do e.g a flatlay, the theme of the photo and any additional ideas I have. I like to write up a couple of photo ideas for posts because if one style doesn't work out, then I always have a backup in place to work from instead. If it's a lifestyle post and I want to incorporate myself into the photo, then I'll also plan the location of the shoot, what type of pose(s) I plan on doing and the outfit I have in mind.

The final parts of planning

Pretty much every single day of the working week, I spend most of my time during the day blogging in some way. I guess you could class me as a full time blogger and that is one of my aims this year to go freelance with it! I thought it might be a good idea to share what a typical blogging day is like for me, giving you the chance to see what I get up to and spend my time doing to have a good successful blogging day. And also give any non-bloggers an insight in how hard us bloggers work each day.

7:00am - 9:00am: 7am is the time I come back from Matt's (my boyfriend) most mornings after a weekend together or sleeping over during the week. It's been an absolute game changer for my productivity getting up at 6am when he does and then getting back to mine for 7am to start the day off properly. I usually start the day by writing out what I need to do for the day ahead and also any plans I have for the week. This gives me a clear idea of everything I need to do for the week ahead and gives me the chance to see what things I can look forward to, which is also great for motivation. 

I then spend time catching up on any social media from the night before and seeing how everyone is getting on in the mornings. This usually involves me sending out a tweet for the morning and also responding back to any tweets I've missed, catching up on my Instagram comment pods, as well as liking pictures, checking out stories and also responding back to my own comments. I also might check out Bloglovin and Pinterest in this time. 

Once I've caught up on all things social, I'll then get stuck into any blog or photo planning/organising that needs to be done. I'll get out my notebook and finish planning posts or start planning new ones for the month ahead. If I am taking blog photos on a particular day, then I like to go over the plan I've already written for the posts I need to take or build on the ideas, so I have a good idea of what images I want to achieve. This also includes any Instagram photos that need to be taken too.

Also in the morning I like to check the weather to help with photo taking or to see what it is going to be like when I like to venture out during the week.

9:00am - 10:30am: This is the time I usually stop for breakfast and to also give myself a chance to get ready for the day. Even when I'm working from home, I still like to get ready as I would if I was leaving the house to go to work. It really helps with motivation and helping me to feel less sluggish. My typical breakfast is usually some toast or granola and yoghurt with a smoothie. I'm obsessed with smoothies at the moment. My favourite is the Naked Red Machine. It's so delicious! 

I also like to sometimes head out for a bit of exercise during this time. Even if it's only a light walk around the block, it can make the world of difference and as a mental health sufferer it can really help keep my stress levels down. The fresh air always makes me calmer and almost grounds me in a way from all the negative anxious thoughts that can cloud my mind way too often. I like to try reduce my screen time during this time to rest my eyes, but also to keep my headspace off the online world. 

10:30am - 1:00pm: During this time I get back on with all things blogging. There's a whole load of different tasks I could be getting on with during this time. If the lighting is good, then I'll opt bulk shoot my Instagram and blog photos. This usually takes a couple of hours to do, as I spend time shooting lots of photos for different posts and also like experimenting with different shots before I feel I have achieved enough good shots. If the lighting isn't playing ball or I don't have any photos that need taking, then I might be doing anything from scheduling tweets, continuing my planning, editing photos, writing posts, catching up on blog comments or responding to emails. There is never a day when there isn't something to be getting on with. 

1:00pm - 2:00pm: Between 1pm and 2pm, I like to take another break and this time I stop for lunch time. Again, I like to take some time away from the screen at this time, so I'll either sit down my blog notebooks to plan more and keep organised, or I'll grab something to read like a magazine or book. My mind never stops thinking about blogging even when I'm stopping for a break! 

2:00pm - 3:00pm: This is the time I try to finish off my to do list, (which rarely happens because the day seems to go by so quick or I get distracted by something on social media usually, but trust me I'm trying to work on limiting my distractions!!!) I could be working on finishing up blog posts, scheduling tweets, checking my emails again or editing photos. It's a real mixture just like before lunch. I'm not always doing the same thing every day, even though the structure is fairly similiar, it's never the same tasks at the same time each day. I never shoot photos in the afternoon though because the lighting never works in my favour, so that's always a morning task. 

3:00pm - 4:00pm: Towards the later half of the afternoon, I like to try and unwind for the day and get myself ready to head on out. I like to take myself off for a long relax in a bubble bath or a pamper in the shower. This is a good way for me to unwind from the day and also treat myself, all about that self care! I also spend the time tidying up from the day, so if I have been shooting photos I have a lot of mess to tidy up. Anyone else always make a mess when they take blog photos? It's a nightmare to tidy up sometimes. I also like to tidy up around my room and make sure everything is looking nice before I leave.

4:00pm - 6:00pm: Anytime between 4-5pm is usually when I head back off to Matt's for the rest of the night or he comes over for some tea. It's nice to sit down with him and have a little catch up to see how our days went etc. Whilst I try be present and stay away all things blog, I sometimes am still working on my blog behind the scenes, such as preparing Instagram photos e.g editing them ready to be uploaded or catching up any social media notifications. But when I do actually give myself the chance to switch off, I like to use the time to focus on my mental health, so I'll do some journaling or even just put on my favourite tv series or movie to watch with Matt to cheer myself up if I'm feel a little down or anxious. 

6:00pm - 7:00pm: This is the time I usually have some food and socialise with my family or Matt's, so I again switch off from the screen, but before I do that, I upload a post on Instagram usually for the day. And also use the time to respond to comments on there and comment on other people's posts to share the love. This is one of my favourites things to do ever!

7:00pm - 9:00pm: Now between 7pm and 9pm is a real mixture and hugely depends on the mood I'm in or how productive the day has been before hand. Whilst I aim to switch off from the blogging world in the evenings and spend the time living in the present with the people I love, I sometimes end up doing more blog work in the evenings. Most of the time it's finishing off posts or planning, so nothing that is too difficult for that time of the night. I love writing and planning, they both relax me and somehow end me up in a good head space anyway, so I guess I could sometimes class them as being self care things I enjoy doing. But when I'm not focusing on my blog, I'll either be chilling in front of the TV or playing on the Sims (yes, I still do that at 20). 

9:00pm - 10:00pm: Again another hour used to unwind and I try my very best to make it a no phone hour. Ideally I like to get into bed by half 9 with a good book to read and be ready to drift off into a good nights sleep. But most of the time, I'm usually scrolling through social media and telling Matt to go clean his teeth, because he's already fallen asleep beside me and is hogging half of the bed, and won't move his butt. Men, ey? We love them really!

And then I wake up in the morning bright and early, ready to repeat the same sort of day again.

Who ever said blogging was easy, ey? It's nearly a 24 hour round job and I never stop thinking about it.

What's your favourite part of a blogging day?

Lauren x

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It's that time of the year again when everyone is talking about their bodies, fitness and the food they consumed over the Christmas period. January is a well known time for diet companies and fitness brands to continuously promote weight loss programmes and to guilt shame you into checking out their products, giving you the hope that you can shift any weight you may or may not have put on at Christmas. 

This desire that we must workout come January and start to eat healthy food to get rid of any weight we might have put on during the festive period is one that I dread every single year. It's something as a society we have become obsessed with doing and every single year it happens. We have created a society that focuses on and values weight, shape and size over things like our health and wellbeing.

This is more commonly known as Diet Culture.

Even just reading that makes me feel sick. 

No one should be made to feel like their weight or their size is more important than their health or happiness. It's disgusting to think that us as a society has created this reality. We millennial's have become obsessed with our bodies and the way we look, driven by the likes of social media and living our lives online. Everywhere we go there is pressure to look a certain way or to be #bodygoals. This type of goal focusing has become the main focus in all of our lives at least once.

We are disguising diet culture with eating patterns that are supposed to be in the name of health, but the reality could not be further from this. It has become so focused on weight, shape or size. Skinny is deemed good and fat is deemed bad. Our bodies are constantly being forced to change through behaviours, ideas and customs with no thought going to our happiness or well-being beforehand. 

Both celebrities and every day people like you and me are guilty of being sucked into this sad reality. We've become fascinated with losing weight and trying to be a particular body type because we have it brain washed into us that if we're 'thinner' then we're going to be happier, more attractive, healthier and more successful. 

The truth behind this is no matter how much you believe losing weight will make you feel better all around it doesn't. Sure being a healthy weight and living a healthy lifestyle is good for our overall health, but being a certain weight isn't going to bring us instant happiness, success or change our attractiveness.

Being accepting and loving the body you already have will be the only way you will be able to achieve these things. If you can love the body you already have and take good care of it, then you're already ensuring yourself so much happiness, health and success. When you are confident in your body, you already are attracting success by believing in yourself. And remember confidence is very attractive.

These things will be bring more happiness than following the rules that diet culture puts out. 

I could go on all day about the things that are wrong with diet culture, but for the sake of this post, I thought I would touch on the main things that are wrong with diet culture and also how we as a society can promote body positivity:

1. Diet culture does not support the value of all body types:

When growing up all I can remember seeing is girls plastered on every women's magazine with one main body type. They were all tall and skinny. No one was ever curvy or bigger. This was and still is a body type that sadly is promoted everywhere. The obsession with trying to be #bodygoals has got out of control. Why aren't we taught to love our bodies for what they are? Our bodies are more than just are weight or our shape. They help to keep us alive and keep us going every single day. Our bodies have enabled us to experience feelings and help us to do things we wouldn't be able to do without them. So why is everyone so quick to put them down? 

This may come as a surprise to you, but not all healthy bodies are those that are slim and slender. Healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes. There is not just one body type that is the healthiest. There is so much diversity in healthy bodies. It's also good to know that weight isn't always an indicator to a persons overall health  or fitness. You could have someone who weighs a lot more, but eats a more balanced diet and works out more times than say someone who weighs less. 

The weight of someone should not matter. Instead it takes away the person behind the body we are not supporting. You do not need to be a certain weight or size to be a good person. You cannot determine who is a good person on the way they look. People are more than their bodies. They are worth more than what diet culture labels them as.

2. Diet culture contributes to low self esteem and body images issues:

We are all aware of the dramatic rise in mental health conditions such as eating disorders and body dysmorphia, diet culture is a huge contributing factor to these illnesses. Diet Culture influences low self esteem and body image issues. It makes more and more of us insecure in the bodies we have and puts us down for not looking a particular way. This #bodygoals fascination that I keep banging on about is very talked about in the world right now. It is driving bad self esteem and the pressure to be a particular way. It is based on unattainable goals that only works for the individual who is being desired. Your body should not be made to look like someone else. Your body is yours and it is yours only. Be your own body goals and work towards a better you without the pressure. 

Diet culture doesn't just stop there though. There's also the ways in which diet culture makes us feel bad for the foods we are. It decides for us what foods are good and bad. When we eat these so called 'bad' foods and we don't get enough of the 'good' foods, we are then made to feel guilt and shame. This can then lead on to disordered eating as we then restrict ourselves or change our eating habits to compensate for these feelings. By doing this, diet culture is telling us that we must feel ashamed when we eat a particular food and it completely gets rid of the pleasure that comes from eating the foods we enjoy.

Eating disorders can steal lives. No one should have their life taken away by something that has been driven by diet culture. We should not be made to feel like failures if we eat a particular food and have to go to lengths of restricting ourselves. If you feel like you are struggling right now with an eating disorder, then please visit Beat (the UK's eating disorder charity) for more help and support. You deserve to live your life to the full without this illness stealing it from you. 

3. Diet culture clarifies the good and the bad food:

As I just previously mentioned, diet culture is very good at categorising foods into what is good and what is bad. The guilt and shame that follows after consuming the bad is not healthy. It is what drives our bad self esteem and body issues. It has to stop. These so called 'bad' foods should not be made to feel us guilty. They are not a sin or a cheat. The conversations we have about food can lead to us having to justify why we are eating a particular food in fear of judgement or shame. Everyone has to stop being so judgemental about what foods others eat.

 If you eat everything in moderation and have a good balanced diet of all the different food groups, then you are living more of a healthier life than if you were restricting yourself. Eating the foods you enjoy whether they are labelled as good or bad is a brilliant way of practising self love and care. This will bring you more happiness than trying to look like that girl on Instagram or only eating salads every day. The pleasure you will get from doing this is far greater than having to follow a certain set of rules diet culture tries to get you to follow. 

4. Diet culture contributes to body shaming:

Society has a cruel way of body shaming individuals for the way they look. Body shaming involves someone humiliating or mocking someone with harsh comments regarding their body shape or size. It doesn't just happen to someone who is bigger, it can also happen to those who are smaller then average.  Society does not discriminate who it aims its comments at, but it is always about their body. It isn't just people you meet on the streets or those hiding behind their computer screens, its also diet companies, magazines and newspapers, on TV and in the movies. Its everywhere and it is also a very dangerous form of verbal bullying.

People body shame to try make you feel guilty for the way you look. It takes away that value of the person and only treats them in how the mocker sees their body. It can contribute to people getting mental health illnesses and may even cause people to take their own lives. Instead of being brutal and harsh, we should be promoting self love and acceptance of own bodies, as well as other peoples. Tearing someone else down for their size isn't going to make you anymore attractive. But diet culture teaches us that size and shape do matter, not our wellbeing. It is best to challenge this and be the better person. Don't shame someone for how they look. Would you want someone to do the same to you?

Ways in which we can promote body positivity and get rid of diet culture:

• Change your relationship towards food. Food is food. It is good. It is not the enemy. It provides wonderful value and can bring a lot of enjoyment. 
• Love your body for what it is and what it does for you e.g it keeps you alive.
• Healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes. 
• Unfollow those who make you feel bad for the way you look.
• Talk less about why you're eating a particular food and more about how amazing it is.
• Delete diet and fitness apps.
• Aim for a balanced diet with no group restrictions.
• Be less judgemental on ourselves and others for their bodies. Think about the person first.
• Accept and praise your body.
• Get rid of negative self talk. It won't help you.
• Promote body positivity and encourage others to be more kind to themselves and others. 

Even way before I started blogging, I would always spend most nights sitting down and catching up on my favourite bloggers. Fast forward a couple of years and now I'm a blogger myself, I still do enjoy finding new bloggers and enjoy reading all the amazing content they put out. This year I felt like I was really introduced to some amazing bloggers who I've thoroughly enjoyed reading week in week out. So I thought why not share them with you?

This blog post was planned way back in December, but between getting sick and Christmas, I never got round to photographing or publishing it before 2017 ended. But I still wanted to share with you these amazing bloggers because they do deserve all the love and support in 2018. I know they will go on to be successful in 2018!

Natalie Leanne aka Natalie

If there is anyone who deserves all the love in the blogging world right now, it is Natalie. She is such a lovely girl and is always showing support to other people. Whenever I'm having a hard time, Natalie always shares the love and helps me through any struggles I may be going through. She works so hard on her blog and it definitely shows by the high quality content she shares. I always find her blog is one you definitely go to when you want a light hearted relaxing read. Natalie also shows off her personality so well in her content and you definitely feel like you've got to know her more and more with every post you engage with. She also has her own Youtube channel, where she uploads short vlogs, which are also really enjoyable and very relatable too. All around, Natalie is a great blogger and one I'm happy I discovered in 2017 for sure!

Some posts I love from Natalie include...

Rebecca Faye aka Bex 

Another blogger I am so glad I discovered in 2017 is Bex from Rebecca Faye. To start off, I have to say that her photos are so gorgeous. Honestly that girl has an eye for taking the most stunning photos. She makes every beauty shot look amazing. I also love how dedicated and hard working she is on her blog. Bex posts really good reviews on a different beauty products and always shares her honest opinion, which I can really value her for as they're always in depth and answer any questions that might come to mind. She also has a Youtube channel, you can find that over here. You really get a feel for her personality over on there and she has the cutest dog ever. He always makes me laugh on her Instagram stories. Plus he's recently been in an accident, so deserves all the love and best wishes. Rebecca always seems to be active on all social media channels, which always blows me away. So a massive hats off to her. She's done so well, so go share her big love for it.

Some posts I love from Bex include...

Lucy Cole aka Lucy

Lucy's blog is one that I only discovered a few months ago, but one I always seem to click on when I see new posts from her on my Bloglovin feed. Her posts are such easy reads and ones that I really love reading. They are so natural and effortless. I always enjoy reading her outfit posts and swooning over any cute pieces she is showcasing. Her personality also comes across in writing and over on her social media. I also think she takes such lovely photos. Lucy also lives quite near me, so that instantly means I'm going to like her blog, right? Haha! It's always nice to see locations I have been to before in her outfit shots. It personally helps me to relate to her better, but she always comes across relatable anyway because her posts are so authentic. Lucy uploads a mixture of different content from those popular outfit posts, to beauty reviews and lifestyle tips. There's something there for anyone to get stuck it to!

Some posts I love from Lucy include...

• Facing Your Fashion Fears
• The Jumper Of Dreams
• 5 Things Blogging Has Given Me

• 6 Simple Flatlay Tips
• Charlotte Tilbury's Naughty And Nice Magic Box
• The Ultimate Cosy Winter Evening

Hello there! So a couple of weeks back I mentioned in my last blog post of 2017 and I've also been sharing around on my social medias that I had put together a short survey that I wanted you guys to answer for me. I really want to up my blog game in 2018 and make it the best year for it ever! I wanted to know as much as I could about you guys and your thoughts regarding my blog. This way I could ensure I had a good general idea about you and what you enjoyed,  as well as what would make you keep coming back to my little space on the Internet. 

Thank you so so so much if you did fill out the survey! You guys are the best and definitely know how to make me happy. Your results have been so useful and have made me feel even more motivated to continue to work hard. Thank you so much once again!

I really wanted to share with you guys the results I did get back from my blog reader survey and what these results will mean for the future of my blog. Don't fret! I'm not going to be making any major changes or anything like that as such, but I definitely now have a clearer view of where I plan to take my blog throughout 2018 all thanks to you lovely lot. 

So let's jump into the results, shall we?!

I will have been blogging for three years in June this year (2018). It's made how quickly it has gone and how long it has been. I really had no idea until the survey how long most people had been reading my blog for, as I've had readers come and go over the course of having this blog. But the survey concluded that most of you guys are new readers or have only been reading for the past few months. So hello newbies! It's fab to have you here. There was also a few of you who have been reading well over a year, so I want to say a massive thank you for sticking with me. I'm so happy to know that you're still here and hopefully enjoying the content I create!

How old are you?

Last year (2016) was probably the most difficult year I had ever been faced with. A lot of negative things happened last year that really drove me into a deep depression. Although, towards the end of 2016 is when I really began to learn the true process of recovery and start to put changes in place for a better future.

With Christmas now coming up, it's becoming more and more apparent to me how much time we all spend online and how much more time we should be spending living in the present moment. I for one feel like I spend most of my time either sat with my phone in my hand or I have perched myself in front of my laptop. It makes me feel a bit guilty when I think about how much time has been wasted sat online and how many other things I could be doing. 

It's always good to have sometime away from the online world and be back in the moment with whatever the hell we're currently doing in the moment in the real world. It can be a good way to refresh us mentally. It gives us the chance to be completely by ourselves and focus on helping ourselves rather than worrying what's going on online because we all have that fear of missing out on something that will always be there. 

So I thought why not put a post up to help all of us (myself included) to fully unplug from the online world this Christmas and help us make the most of the festive period ahead!

We all know how rubbish it is trying to take blog or Instagram photos this time of the year. The winter season is the worst time to try and shoot, with day light hours restricted and gloomy days more likely than bright ones. It can be hard to find the right time to take some pictures with the weather outside not playing ball, social events growing at this time of the year with Christmas just around the corner and also longer hours at work or school before the holiday season hits. Taking blog photos in the winter can make you fall behind and struggle to even get one decent shot, but there a few tips and tricks you can do to try make things work better and also fit with the time of the year.

Now December is here I can truly embrace all things Christmas and really get into the festive spirit. For once I actually have a busy Christmas to look forward to and I couldn't be more excited. Therefore I thought I would put a little list together of some of the festive things I am going to be getting up to over the next few weeks.

Go to Centre Parcs - I feel really lucky and grateful that I'm going to Centre Parcs for a second time this year. From when you're reading this, I'm literally going in only a matter of couple of days which I am super excited for. I loved it when I went the first time in the summer and know it's going to be even more magical going this close to Christmas. They hold a Winter Wonderland where everything turns wintery and festive. It will be sure to get me into the festive mood. I can't wait to have a relaxing yet fun break away with Matt and his family. It's going to be super cute and will be a great challenge for my anxiety. Bring it on!

Put up the Christmas decorations - How much fun is putting up the Christmas tree and all the decorations around the house? So much fun! I love helping my Mum out and doing it together. It's such a lovely thing to do together and makes you feel all kinds of festive. I can't wait to live in my own house one day and decorate it whatever I want it and also share the experience with my kids. It will be such a lovely tradition to keep at.

Do some Christmas baking - I love baking all year round, but there's just something about doing it at Christmas that makes it feel so much better. I can't wait to have a browse through Pinterest to check out some recipe ideas. I'm thinking some delicious gingerbread men and some snowman cupcakes. Mmm I bet they'll be delicious!

Get a Christmas jumper - I feel like this one has been on my Christmas to do list for like four years now, but never seems to work out. When you're a short girl under 5ft and have small arms, it is impossible to find a jumper that doesn't drown you in length or ends up being a fortune in price for a few weeks wear. I'm definitely going to make it my aim this Christmas to find the perfect one to avoid this being on my Christmas to do list again next year. Send me your recommendations for places to shop for cute ones please!!!!!

Take lots of pictures - Christmas is the perfect time to whip out the camera and take lots of pictures. I love looking back on pictures and seeing how much you've changed or reflecting on memories. It's a great way to pick yourself up when you're feeling sad or just to enjoy looking back on with your loved ones. I want to take so many pictures so I can cherish them forever #soppygit.

Look at all the festive lights - Ever since I was young, I've enjoyed driving or walking around my local area and taking in all the festive lights people have put up outside their homes. Some people put in so much effort so it's always nice to admire their dedication to the festive period. It's always a great mood booster too!

Play all the Christmas music - I'm very fond of a Spotify playlist or two, so you can imagine how excited I am to be listening to all the Christmas music and singing so much I annoy Matt all the damn time. But hey ho, if there is no other way to get into the Christmas spirit, then it's listening to some festive tunes and singing your heart out every hour of the day until the big day is over!

Buy and wrap presents - I never seem to really do my Christmas shopping until December. I'm never organised enough to do it before then. But I love buying presents for people and wrapping up presents. I love making them look so cute and put together. It brings me such joy and I get so excited when I think about people opening them.

Do lots of festive things - Whilst I haven't got many festive plans yet, I know that I will aim to do more festive things this year. I know we have some plans to go ice skating and go to church on Christmas Eve, two things I have never done, but I'm looking forward to. I'm just excited to see what we do get up to and the memories we do make. This is a Christmas I am actually looking forward to for the first time in years and it makes me feel so happy.

I don't really know how to begin this other than with the words 'I faced one of my biggest fears and I bloody well survived'. Living with a fear for an eleven years and having it pretty much rule your life for the past four, it can be become quite a draining and annoying thing to have to carry round. There have been many occasions where I have told myself that if I was ever to be faced with my most feared situation, then  I don't know if I could possibly stay on this earth, that I would have no other option than to end it all, because the fear was so crazily intense, I could see no other option than to end it all. 

Flash forward to this moment in time and I can proudly say I faced my fear and I survived. I didn't have to end it all. I didn't have to get off the earth. I stayed. I survived it. I made it through. It was unpleasant and scary, but I did it and I feel so unbelievably proud of myself. 

But I also feel a little strange. I don't know. I almost feel all kinds of emotions. Like I feel scared still (which is perfectly normal when you've faced a big fear), I also feel on edge and paranoid, but then I feel relieved and overwhelmed in someway to have gone through what I did.

If you didn't know, then this fear I have been carrying around with me is known as emetophobia. A fear I have mentioned plenty of times on this blog before, but never did I quite realise I would talk about it from this side of things.

I never could quite imagine myself throwing up. I mean from an emetophobia point of view it's like the worst thing ever. But now I have thrown up for the first time in 11 years, I feel almost like why was I so scared in the first place? Sure it's pretty grim and wouldn't be anyone's first choice of things to spend their evening doing. But it's not as bad I ever could imagined it to be and honestly it made me feel so much better. 

For me it was the part before and after that has been the most difficult to deal with. Before I was sick,  it was like my body was preparing me to face my most feared situation ever. It was like it was giving me a warning and gearing my body up. I felt all the usual flight and fight symptoms you would experience with a panic attack, but I just treated them as my usual anxiety. 

But this was different. This was way out of my control. I have been in control of my panic and know that I call the shots with that one, so I couldn't quite understand where this out of control experience was coming from until my boyfriend and I came down with the same bug in a matter of twelve hours. Then things started to add up more. 

I didn't necessarily fear the sick itself afterwards. And this had been something I had worked out before around sometime last year. Another traumatic experience in my life had potentially created this fear of sick. This had helped me a lot for to change my terminology towards 'sick' and treat it as something that wasn't harmful. Because I definitely know that now even more having gone through it. 

It happens to make you feel better. 

But I'm still having a hard time dealing with the aftermath. I feel all kinds of emotions and even have been experiencing a little bit of post traumatic stress disorder symptoms, which honestly did not come as a shock to me when you think about it. I've just faced a situation I've been fearing for over a decade. It's no wonder I've reacted the way I have and my emotions are all over the place. It's been hard to get my mind and body round the whole thing. It's been just crazy!

That's mainly why I wanted to write this post. Because I needed to get my thoughts of my head and the situation out in front of me. To realise my achievements the past week and praise myself for getting through it. To give myself the opportunity to document this amazing moment in my mental health recovery and learn from it. Because I most definitely have learnt a lot from facing my fear.

Now it's just confirmed for me more and more than it's not the actual sick I'm fearing myself. It's the aftermath. It's how I will be afterwards. It's how I deal with any anxiety after, how my eating habits will be (something I've not really touched on my blog, but eating plays a big part in my mental health), if I'll never get better or if anyone else will get ill. It's all these things that have been a struggle for me the past few days.

As of right now I'm trying to deal with facing my fears and the trauma, trying to get my eating back to normal, not picking it up from anybody else because I swear everyone I know and see is coming down with it, looking after myself and upping my self care to the max.

That's also the reason why I have been quiet on my blog the past week. I couldn't even open it up until yesterday. It made me feel sick. But now I'm working on allowing this feeling to pass and getting back on it. And it's also the reason I'm not going to be doing #blogmas anymore. I'm gutted. I had so much planned and was excited for it. But I just don't have the time now nor do I have any motivation. 

I just need to spend the time focusing on me. Any posts I had pre-written I am going to try get up over the next few weeks, so there will be hopefully some content going up very soon for you all. But I just wanted to let everyone know how things are for me right now and the reason behind my absence. 

I really hope you're all well. I send my best wishes always.

Lauren x

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As I sit and type this post, I'm currently in the worst mood ever, so it seems quite fitting to post something like this as I'm already feeling all kinds of emotions anyway. Although I really hope this post doesn't come across as a huge rant in anyway nor am I having a go at anyone in particular, but I am just so sick and tired of being left to feel ashamed of who I am and how society views the type of person I am. It's so damaging for people and it has to stop. 

It's the bloody 21st century, why are we still made to feel rubbish about the interest's we have or the way we live our lives? Who are we to judge how someone does something? I for one think it's time we stopped judging people for the things they love and the people they are. If they are causing no harm to anybody else, then just leave them be and let them do what they want to do. We should start caring more about ourselves and how we view ourselves, than worrying about what other people are doing and if they should be shunned for doing so. 

So here are the things I don't want to be ashamed of anymore. 

1. That I don't have a job - I can already guess the judgemental thoughts that come people's minds whenever someone drops the bombshell that they're unemployed. 'Lazy', 'Someone who 'dossers' around doing nothing all day everyday', 'spoilt' and 'someone who can't be bothered' are just some of things that people seem to label unemployed people as. You want to know the real reason I'm unemployed? And it's not because I'm lazy or can't be bothered nor do I laze around all day. It's because I don't feel as though I am fit for work. I don't feel as though I mentally well enough to work. And yes, you may now think, well I have mental health issues, but I still work. And that's great for you! Honestly, I could not be happier for you, because I hope that is me one day, but some of us just cannot push themselves to do it. 

I'm scared. I'm terrified. A job for me would mean more things to worry about and more of a chance for me not to focus on my self love and self care. It would mean pushing myself far too soon when I'm not ready. It takes me a hell a lot of courage to get through every single day and even then it can be so difficult. I would never want to have to make an employer rely on me when I can't even rely on myself sometimes. It's just not fair on anyone. I know it will take time to get to where I want to be. But it's taking me even more time, constantly having to feel ashamed because society brands me as 'lazy'. 

You think I sit at home all day everyday doing nothing? Hell no!

I'm up everyday at 6am and by 7am I'm ready to start the day. I work my arse off on this blog and my recovery every single day from early in the morning till late at night. 

 I'm taking the time out to focus on me. To put my health first. And judge me all you bloody well like for taking the decision to put me first, but I'll get there. I know I will. I believe I will. So bloody well watch me!

2. That I don't drink alcohol or go out clubbing - Yes, I am 20 years old and yes I do not drink. Half by choice, half because I'm on antidepressants and they cannot be mixed. But I am sick of having to explain to people why I don't drink or why I would rather stay at home than go out clubbing. It took me until this year to even step foot in a pub and not find myself anxious in an alcohol space. But I did it and I felt amazing. Now I enjoy going to the pub. It's a lot easier to deal with than going out clubbing which would spark way too much of my anxiety. It might not be the complete norm for a girl my age, but I couldn't care less about being normal anymore. 

Is it wrong I want to put myself first and have a quiet night in to soak in all the self care? No! 

It's what I should be doing and what I know what works best for me. You may think that makes me boring. But I do not find it boring. I go out when I want to and have fun when I do. I do not need to drink to have fun and be myself. I can do that without the booze in my system. And I do not have to deal with feeling shit the day after. I feel grateful and happy when I wake up after an amazing night!

I have nothing against anyone who does go out and drinks may I just add. If it makes someone happy and they enjoy it, then I'm totally ok with that and never would try talk someone out of it. You enjoy doing you and I'll enjoy doing me. 

3. That I'm a fussy eater - This one I feel is quite a sensitive one for me out of them all. It's something that is very personal to me and one that I also spend most weeks getting upset over. I'm a fussy eater. Always have been and maybe always will be. It's not until the past couple of years that it has got worse with having digestive issues that restrict my eating even more, but also having a sick phobia that can persuade me to avoid particular foods. Whilst all of that is hard to deal with on a daily basis anyway, there's also the negative associations that come with being a fussy eater. People see it as 'weird' or 'problematic'. And trust me, I know how bloody hard it is, let alone you having to cook for me. I wish I could eat foods that I used to enjoy, but my gut won't let me. I wish I could try more foods, but my tastes say hell no.

I try to try new things if and when I can. Last year I tried so many new foods and will always be willing to if my gut allows me. And there is also the fact that also last year I could hardly eat. I'd always be skipping meals, either out of choice from a lack of appetite and thinking I didn't deserve any food, or simply because my panic attacks used to be so bad, I couldn't bare to eat without gagging on whatever I was trying to consume. Flash forward a year later, I'm glad to have put that chapter behind me, but it's also made me feel so grateful that I am able to eat now and enjoy food a lot more. 

Although my relationship with food is still not great, I'm pleased it has improved and therefore I won't allow anyone to judge me for what I eat. Because I could not be happier that I am actually being able to eat meals now and to indulge myself with food. So what if I am a fussy eater? I'm eating something that's the main thing!

4. That I'm shy - Here comes another personality trait society has branded to be negative! Being shy is something society seems as being rude and almost stuck up. The reality could not be further from that. Being shy is something that can become a real struggle and mines definitely turned towards the social anxiety side of things. I hate that it is seemed to be something that is bad, that it makes you boring or up yourself if you're not bouncing with bags of confidence. I always used to feel like my voice was never heard throughout school because I was shy and always got overlooked by my louder friends who seemed to take my credit from it. It was such an unfair to allow people to walk over me like that and take the wrap for my efforts. It should not be made to be a  negative thing. Plus I'm really not that shy when you get to know me. I'm sure Matt and my family can vouch for wanting me to shut up sometimes haha.

There are actually quite a lot of positives to being shy. It can make others feel more comfortable around you and create a more calming atmosphere to then be around. Shy people tend to be more trustworthy because they're not always going around telling everyone everything. This then makes shy people more credible. They also have the ability to overcome difficult emotions, because they are already dealing with the struggle of being shy and therefore can cope a lot better than most. Shy people also are able to build deeper friendships and experience rewards more fully. 

So next time someone brands you as a bad person for being shy, bring up this list and tell people just how wrong they are!

5. That I'm a One Direction fangirl - Yes, I hold my hands up and say that I am a fan of One Direction. I have been for over seven years now since they began on the X Factor in 2010. I've been to all their tours, stalked them outside venues and followed them on all social media channels, even getting a cheeky follow from Liam and a tweet from Niall. I was thirteen when I first started liking them and the years I spent obsessing over them are some of the most happiest memories of my teenage years. Like I don't think they would have been as good without all the fan girl memories. Even now they're on their hiatus and those memories sometimes make me cringe so much, I still support each member in anyway I can and hold those moments close to me. Plus I cannot wait to go see Harry Styles in April next year!!!! It's been two years too long.

6. That I have mental health issues - I feel as though I am quite open with discussing my mental health struggles on either my blog or social media. But of course, there is still the huge stigma relating to mental health still out there. More and more people are talking about it, it's an amazing change to see. But still we are suffering with people not paying much attention to it, brushing it under the carpet and pretending it really isn't that big of deal when reality is that it's a global issue. More change needs to happen. People need to start taking things seriously. People should not be made to feel guilty for suffering and should be able to get the support they so desperately need. People deserve the right to feel proud of how far they come in their recovery and should have people boost them up when they need it without this stigma. 

Are you tired of feeling guilty about something in particular?!

Lauren x

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